I think scott just propositioned me for sex
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
