Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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