I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
