This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
