So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
