I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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