hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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