My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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