upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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