You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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