I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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