i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
