Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
