so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
