he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
