I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
