Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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