Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Randomize
