I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
