Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
