sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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