I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
