I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
