life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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