Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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