is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
