I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
