spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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