Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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