Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
