At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
