I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
