Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
