So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
