I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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