is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
