so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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