is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
