What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
