i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
