Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
