I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
