I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
