Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
