I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
