He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
