I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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