I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
