Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am never drinking with the goths again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
