$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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