Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
