I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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