why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
