We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
