i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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