Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
