tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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