I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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