Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
