Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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