shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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