I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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