He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
