Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
