Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
