Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need moral support for this bender
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
