were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
