you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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