He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
