What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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