after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
