4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Your penis caused this!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
