just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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