people are starting to question the shark bite story
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are a genius and a whore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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