So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
