omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
