Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
