there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
